Clarity: What do you want in your nonmonogamous relationships?

For clarity to be powerful, you must start with your end goal in mind. This simply means that you have to ask yourself a series of questions.

WHO – is this person? What are they like? What habits do they have? Are they really attractive or just convenient?

WHAT – type of relationship do you want? NSA/FWB? Primary relationship partner? Secondary partner? Couple based swing that’s always together/never together with or without emotional connection? What types of rules and boundaries? What do you have to offer?

WHERE – are they located? One of the most important aspects of searching for any type of relationship partner, from a casual friend with benefits to a primary relationship partner is going to be geography. The more you open up geography, the greater the likelihood of success. If you live in a rural, low population area, you are going to have to consider opening up geography out of necessity.

WHEN – do you want to get together? Do you want to get together again, and if so, what frequency works for you?

HOW – do you want your relationship structured? Do you want to be single with a network or partnered with someone(s)?

WHY – do you want this particular set up? Why should someone be interested in you?

You can probably think of hundreds of other questions to ask using this basic news reporter style Who, What, Where, When, How and Why?

Two final thoughts: first, be specific about the right things. You can easily take the advice about specificity to absurdity. Second, this will be an ongoing project where you will revise your answers with experience.